How crap! Everything is so much more clear. I feel much more at ease.

No one matters! No one fucking matters and it's beautiful, and I don't give a damn what everyone else thinks! I can be happy without everything! Yay for having that feeling wash over me, and finally relizeing it fully! Fuck I am happy!

I feel like I have been washed over by a river of relief. The break is finally here, and it is just what I need. Two weeks to not have to worry is astrodanary, and I am very excited. I have two weeks of not thinking about math or phyics, or German, or anything. I can just relax and be happy for once. How exciting!

For once this year, I am not busy! I am always loading too much on my plate so that I don't concentrate too much on one thing. It's simplier for me to not think about one thing too much, that way I don't examine the hell out of it and see the bad side. I stay happier when I don't think too much about things. However, all this moving takes a tole, and after a while, one needs a break from the madness. Winter Break is the medicine I have been looking for.

I feel healthier, stronger, refreshed, ready to take on the world! And when this break is over, I can show all those bastards how great I am! Hahahaha!

Ahem...sorry, I am feeling valient and inspired to write a great speech. Hehe. Anyway.

To sum up this whole post: I am happy it is break.

Why is it that group projects don't work out? I have recently been assigned a project with one other person, and they are completely incompitent. They don't know the matieral even though it has been covered in class, and even if they did, they are too stupid to write a paper. I'm going to have to do this project all by myself it seems. I don't want to do it anyway, I'd much rather be doing this paper on my own, or even with someone who knows what they are doing, because I am simply refusing to take the lead. I have it enough times, and I will get a good grade no matter no matter what. The teacher likes me, and if my partner fucks it up, then I will still be okay.

I am so tired of people not knowing their own roles and responsibilties, and if you aren't ready for the material, don't take the class. I feel like I am working with 1st graders, and I love how the tax dollars schools don't have are being wasted on teaching bullshit classes and correcting kid's behavior. They should know better by now.

And after a certin point, there is only so much I can do for this project too. So, even if I bust my ass, it is still going to be crappy because they didn't know how to do their part. Uh, I'm frusterated, but also I feel bad, because I shouldn't be so angry that my partner isn't educated. It's not their fault, I guess.

I'll just have to do my part and see what happens. Hope for the best!

I hate the holidays, and I hate being in a nice and giving mood. It's stupid, why should I be any better now? Should I just be an ass-hole all year long, but be nice at chirstmas, because I'll feel better. No. That is not how it works, so I might as well be medicore all year through. Stupid holidays, with the stupid music, and decorations, and spending money. Yuck. And my house looks like someone threw up Christmas.

I am very tired, and have over burdened myself again. I need to stop doing things. Honestly! Although, being busy makes me not lonely. Not being lonely makes me not depressed. Not being depressed makes me not want to kill myself. So, I guess, in the long run, busy is good. Still, I need a break.

The person I wanted to see Monday wasn't there. I was sad. I don't get to see them until January then. If they show up to that meeting. They are honestly the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my life. Simply amazing, and therefore, I will never be good enough. It doesn't matter though. I don't even know them.

Tommorrow is Thursday. I have a swim meet, but I get to go to drawing and one acting class, and hang a picture of myself in Comrade Hammonds' Class. Yay.

Sweet Dreams, comrades.

Thanksgiving was really fun. I espeically loved that I can't relate to either my little sister, little cousin, or my mother/father, and older couins that are like forty. And the fact my family doesn't care if I am vegitarian, and will get really sick if I eat meat, and so cooked almost everything with it. I love how they made all these desicions about how I am going to spend my 16th birthday, New Years and like 3 days with them in Sunriver! I just love how I am not understood by this family, and how I am so differnt from them all. Oh boy, do I love the hoildays!!

Yesterday, I went downtown with Scott, Scott's cousin Eric, Cody, and Max. It was cool, even though I was the only girl. I did see Talyor though. I saw, but didn't say anything. I don't understand how someone can be so beautiful. That made my day very nice, but I can't think of anything. Just the beauty. She's so beautiful.

I bought some books, Acting: the first 6 lessons, by Richard, and First Years in Europe. It's from 1866. I will read it, when I am in a differnt mood. I am too upest right now, I guess. Not really upset, but I did cry a little. I don't even know why. Strange days, but they are always the best days.